The Rain Still Falls
by Shigy-Chan
Summary: Goyjo shares a room with Hakkai on the journey an he starts to face the fact of his feelings for Hakkai. Hakkai starts to realize that he can't live in the past any more and realizes he needs to try and move on.
1. Fingertips

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own any Of the Saiyuki characters, they are not my creation.

AN: this is my first Saiyuki Fan Fic. Please R & R tell me what you think.

Goyjo sighed he leant aginst the headboard on the inn bed, the room was cast in shadows and the window on the other side of the room was only leght with lightning. The crimson eyes scanned the shadows; they sparkled with every flash of light as they fell on the sleeping figure by the window. How could he sleep when it rained, Goyjo's mind turned at the thought of Hakkai having pleasant dreams in this weather. The redhead pulled a knee close to his chest and rested his elbow on it, his fingers twitched slightly. He had to chuckle at how his fingers longed to graze his skin such a crazy though. But one he knew was growing stronger, he fought the feeling in his gut every time Hakkai smiled at him, that smile; he used to hide behinde so that they could stay strong. Goyjo watched his fingers trace an imaginary chin line; he pulled out his lighter and felt the cool metal under his fingers. That would occupy his fingers, sometimes he wondered why he fought aginst it. He smirked as he watched Hakkai sleep he turned slightly, that was never a good sign he was probably awake and trying not to disturb anyone. He was like that never wanting to be in the way and always apologizing; it was enough sometimes to make you annoyed but he just couldn't hate him. Not Hakkai with his smile and his bright green eyes; Goyjo remembered the fist time he had seen those eyes. It had been on a evening much like this he'd left the bar early, he hadn't liked the company much; the color of his hair. He laughed remembering the words the girl had spoke, he hadn't minded the rain as he headed home but he never expected to find him there. Dying on the road, He'd bent down to see if he was even alive when he met those eyes. The color greener than a forest, yet they held a sadness he knew all to well.

Of course he'd taken him in and cared for him; he hadn't really taken to him until he began to speak. He spoke of carrying sins and the pence he had seen in him. Goyjo smirked he'd never heard someone talk like that yet he saw the same thing the redhead saw in his eyes and hair…blood. He remembered playing cards with him and how he always won no matter how much he cheated, he smiled when he remembered what he thought about later that night. Hakkai was amazing…there was just something about him that caught Goyjo and held him. The days they spent together were some of his best memories; he'd even given up his chase for women. Even thought he acted like he didn't he'd usually walk the streets thinking, after all he had a rep. Hakkai stirred again and Goyjo's fingers dropped the lighter, he was having a hard time sleeping he could tell. His fingers twitched again as his stomach turned slightly he couldn't take it when Hakkai was upset. Sure he said he was fine and turned in early, he knew better the second Hakkai had left the table he knew what would happen. Hakkai would sit in the room in the darkness and breakdown; he must have been too proud some would say to let anyone seem him in such a state. Goyjo thought he did it so the they would stay strong and maybe because he didn't want to trouble them for some pity.

He turned again, ok that was enough, and Goyjo retrieved his dropped lighter and twirled it in his fingers.

"Hakkai you awake?"

The figure turned and sat up slowly, rubbing the back of his neck with that nervous smile of his. "I guess my turning gave me away." "I'm sorry if I bothered you."

Goyjo rolled his eyes; there he goes with that damn apologizing.

"No I was just thinking, the rain usually does that to me."

Hakkai smiled, Goyjo watched he always smiled so big that his eyes seemed to be hidden beneath his bangs. Hakkai did that so no one could see the pain in them; the rain brought Hakkai bad memories. Goyjo sighed he pulled out a cigarette and lit it; taking along drag he glanced at Hakkai. Oh how he wanted to take him in his arms and tell him it was all right to be upset, it was all right to feel pain; to be human. He cursed under his breath and stood he couldn't push a relationship on to Hakkai it wouldn't be right not until he knew he was ready for it. He made his way to the door throwing his vest over his shoulder, and kicking at the door with his shoe. He could hear Hakkai stir.

"Goyjo?" he asked in the soft-concerned voice he used when he thought one of the others was upset.

Without turning back he half smiled. "I need a women beside me if I'm ever going to get some sleep." He stepped into the lit hallway and closed the door, why was it that those words bit deeply into him. He brushed them aside like he did his hair as he walked out of the inn and into the rain. Besides it never bothered him that much.


	2. Past Fears

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own any Of the Saiyuki characters, they are not my creation.

AN: This chapter is dedicated to YohjiBabe2008, and my friend Goyjo. Thank you both for your support, and I will do my best to make this chapter and future ones as best as I can. . Sorry it took so long to post this and thank you all for your reviews.

Hakkai sat in the darkness of the room; he'd have given anything to know what the red head thought about. He'd noticed Goyjo's actions change around him, he now seemed to always be in thought. Hakkai turned facing the window he shivered slightly, rubbing his arms for warmth.

"Kana." He spoke the name softly.

Why did it hurt so much even now to say her name the scare of his belly burned with memory, he shook the images from his mind. They were too painful; Hakkai wondered why he still held those terrible memories. Kannan would have wanted him to move on, find some happiness. But he'd loved her deeply it was hard to forget a love so strong, his first love.

Hakkai slowly stood from the bed; he couldn't sit any longer maybe it was time to let go of this dread he carried with him always. Just to maybe let enough of it to finally be able to walk in the rain. Hakkai dressed quickly and sighed, it been so long since he'd even given though to walk in the rain. As he left the inn he heard Goku's call, but he simply waved to the young man before he left.

He chuckled slightly, Goku was sure to tell Sanzo that the two had left. And annoy the monk to later on track them down, to make sure they returned safely. He smiled though sometimes they all didn't show it they each cared for the others, and maybe it was only Hakkai who could see it. He sighed as he opened the door and took the first step into the rain it washed over him in sheets, drumming in his ears. He felt the ache return with the drumming in his ears of rain, he held his scar as he moved forward. He could only see blurred buildings around him as he walked. Hakkai tried to hold on and stay strong he'd wanted to conquer this but he could feel his grip slip away.

He took in a breath sharply as the images filled his brain again, he continued to walk the images. Of blood screaming. Kannan…

"_Goodbye Gonou."_

He shook his head. Why had she left he would have taken care of her no matter whose child she carried, he could have made a life for them. Why…Kannan why couldn't you bare to stay with me?

Hakkai shivered as he continued to walk, he was pitting himself again he should just let it go all of it. Kannan did what she though was best so maybe he could stay strong. That would be like her, he'd taken after her in that. Always keeping his feeling from the others to protect them and keep them strong.

AN: Youghofan88 thank you so much for telling me about the name I hadn't read the Manga so I wasn't sure how it was spelled. I'll try to write the next chapter quickly.


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